The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
