how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
