the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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