He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
