I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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