Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
