i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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