Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
