ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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