Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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