dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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