I puked a lego.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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