Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
