Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
