i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
