I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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