i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
