Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
