There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
