How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
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There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
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I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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