I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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