i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
