No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
