As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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