I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
