So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
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Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize