Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
