I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i would punch a child for taco bell
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
