Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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