I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
