ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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