your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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