no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
