is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
