Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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