So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
