Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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