would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
