I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
