What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When are your genitals available?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I want a musical about memes.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
