oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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