I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
