I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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