Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
wow bdsm is so cute
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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