whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
