He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
