9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
