No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
