it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
