I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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