i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
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I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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