Kiss
Puke
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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