So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
