so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
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I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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