now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
