i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
