I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
