I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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