how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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