I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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