I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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