So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
