first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
