I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
