I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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