I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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