I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
