Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
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We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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