i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
