i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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